ive been quite quiet since the finals.
i havent been going out either. i feel like going out
but i just cant seem to get myself together and enjoy myself.
sorry to asilah, farina and hanis.
ive been wanting to go towning with you guys
but i just cant make it. im sorry. i guess you guys
were kinda pissed cos whenever you asked me out,
i would decline. im sorry. why are all this happening??
im wondering myself. im sure it's my mom's fault. she
hasnt been caging me at home.
sorry if i have been accusing her.
look. the thing is. i havent been expressing myself lately.
dont you guys see any difference in me?? i mean ive always
tried being me. the cheerful one. but i was just pretending.
i didnt want anyone to worry. i was just putting up a false front.
i didnt even feel good about myself when i was pretending.
i didnt like it. not even a little bit. but all i know is that
im doing this for you people's happiness.
maybe what izzati saed was true. maybe i was pissed.
but i saed i was bored. i was lying. yes i was pissed.
but why?? because of something right?
no one knows what it is. that's the thing.
i need to tell someone what's going on in
my life before all my troubles can be cured.
the prolem now is who can i talk to?
that's why ive been looking for different ways to
express myself. i come to school everyday
hoping something in my life would change.
but it seems that instead of shedding those burden,
i get more.
yes. i did write to
*******. i was hoping she could help me.
and that she would reply first. but did she reply?? no.
its not her fault.
it's not my fault either.
i was quite disappointed but who cares.
training ydae sucked. why?
because a certain someone i didnt want to see came down.
i did expect to see her.
cos everyone wants to try and get into the team.
but i just couldnt bare.
i felt like just walking off in front of her.
but it would just mix up my emotions more.
coach asked us to watch the seniors play.
watching her play on court was bad enough for me.
and looking at her run the suicide run was worst.
i felt like running off. did you think it was that easy for me
to just sit there and look at you run up and down??
suffering?
it's obvious who im talking about.
but i dont care. im trying my best to just let it out.
i cant seem to decide on myself these few days.
it's hard for me.
cos i know one split mistake and anything can go wrong.
and i dont want that to happen.
look i want to change. im trying my best to actually
find someone to talk to. maybe i should just go for councilling.
as in those councillors that will just help you to say out everything
that is being kept deep down in one's heart. yes.
but where can i find one?? i seriously need someone to talk to.
i need help desperately.
